Constantine's 19-Year Wait + Kylo Ren's Death Certificate

It's Thursday, which is like Wednesday's older sibling who thinks they're cooler because they're closer to Friday. News flash, Thursday: proximity to Friday doesn't make you Friday. That's like saying I'm basically Chris Evans because we exist on the same planet. I mean, technically true, but useless. Like Thursday. Like this ramble.

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James Gunn confirmed he's had on-and-off discussions with Keanu Reeves about Constantine 2, after Reeves and director Francis Lawrence pitched a treatment to DC Studios and got approval to write a script they've been trying to make for over a decade. Nineteen years to be exact!

Constantine could've had a kid, sent them to college, and watched them drop out to become a TikTok influencer in that time. Instead he's been stuck in development hell, which for a character who literally visits hell is probably just Tuesday. I bet Keanu's been practicing his cigarette holding technique this whole time. Not smoking them, just... holding them. Menacingly. In a trench coat. In his bathroom mirror at 3am while his dogs judge him.

Star Wars officially moves forward with "The Last Order" YA novel by Kwame Mbalia set after Rise of Skywalker, following Disney's decision to kill Adam Driver's Kylo Ren spinoff that he and Steven Soderbergh spent two years developing. Imagine being Adam Driver. You spend two years with Steven Soderbergh crafting your emo space wizard redemption story and Disney's like "Actually we're doing a book about the guy who yelled 'REY!' a lot."

That's like training for the Olympics then finding out they replaced your event with competitive sitting. Which I would win, by the way. I've been training my whole life. The book's about liberating child soldiers which, cool, but also WHERE WAS THIS ENERGY IN THE ACTUAL MOVIES, DISNEY?

Miley Cyrus recorded "Dream as One" for Avatar: Fire and Ash's end credits, co-writing with Andrew Wyatt, Mark Ronson, and Simon Franglen, releasing November 14 ahead of the film's December 19 debut. She says she's been "personally affected by fire and rebuilt from ashes" which, dramatic much?

What's next, "I've been personally affected by water and rebuilt from moisture"? That's just taking a shower, Miley. Also, nothing says "artistic expression" like background music for checking your phone to see where to eat after sitting through three hours of blue people having feelings about trees.

The Apothecary Diaries announced season 3's first half premiering October 2026, second half April 2027, plus an original movie in December 2026 written by author Natsu Hyūga. They're releasing this anime like a drug dealer. "First taste in October, come back in April when you're desperate." Then BAM, movie in the middle to keep you hooked.

This is psychological warfare and I respect it. My dealer does the same thing but with those Japanese Kit-Kats. You know, the weird flavors like sweet potato and wasabi. I don't even like them but I keep buying them because what if the next one is good? It never is. It's never good. But maybe next time?