Cameron Can't Write Robots + HBO Won't Stop Making Thrones

It's Wednesday, the Switzerland of weekdays - neutral, forgettable, and full of chocolate I can't afford. Woke up to find I'd left my refrigerator slightly open all night. Everything's lukewarm, like my hopes and dreams but with more expiration dates. The milk's making sounds. Milk shouldn't make sounds.

IN THIS ISSUE:

HBO's Casey Bloys announced at the Emmys that A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms premieres January 2026 because apparently we need MORE Westeros content.

Six episodes about a guy named Dunk and a kid named Egg wandering around being knights or whatever. No dragons. No battles. Just... character development? In MY Game of Thrones universe? It's like ordering a pizza and getting salad. I mean, salad's fine, but I ordered pizza for a reason.

I had a friend named Egg once. Not really. His name was Greg but he couldn't pronounce G's as a kid so everyone called him Egg. Lost touch after he joined a pyramid scheme selling essential oils. Weird trajectory. Anyway, knights.

Cameron told CNN he's "unable to get started" on the new Terminator script because real life is scarier than his robots now.

"We are living in a science fiction age" he says, like he just discovered the internet exists. Guy, we've been living in the bad timeline since 2016. Where have you been? Underwater? Oh wait, he literally was. Making blue people movies. Never mind.

He wants to "jettison everything" from the last 40 years of Terminator. No Arnold. No legacy characters. Just start fresh. Like when I decided to reinvent myself in college and just ended up the same person but with worse facial hair and a questionable fedora phase.

Netflix drops Splinter Cell: Deathwatch on October 14, 2025 with Liev Schreiber voicing Sam Fisher.

Remember Splinter Cell? The game where you hid in shadows for 45 minutes then got spotted and just shot everyone anyway? That's getting a show now. Not a new game. A SHOW. Because apparently what stealth gaming fans really wanted was to watch someone else sneak around while we sit on our asses eating chips.

Derek Kolstad from John Wick is writing it, so at least the violence will be choreographed well while we cry into our dusty Xbox controllers.

Marvel released the Avengers: Doomsday synopsis and Doom's evil plan is to... cause problems across the multiverse. December 18, 2026.

Cascading crisis is what they're calling it. You know what else is a cascading crisis? My life. One thing goes wrong and suddenly I'm eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are dirty and I'm too tired to wash them.

Every superhero team is showing up. Avengers, Fantastic Four, X-Men, probably the cast of Friends if they can get the rights.

HBO confirmed June 2026 for more dragons and family dysfunction because therapy is expensive but watching Targaryens destroy each other is included with Max.

The Battle of the Gullet is happening. That's a naval battle with dragons. On boats.

Olivia Cooke says it opens with a "bang" and the first two episodes were supposed to be last season's finale. So they're starting with the climax. It's like eating dessert first except the dessert is violence and everyone's related.