Dead Franchises Rising + Marvel's Vanishing Act

My brain has decided we're operating on 1995 dial-up speeds today. Every thought takes 3-5 business minutes to load and comes with that screeching sound.

Remember when waiting for things was just... normal? Now my pizza app tells me my driver's exact coordinates and I still get impatient. Derek just turned left on Oak Street. HURRY UP, DEREK. My Thursday night depends on this medium pepperoni pizza.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Scream 7 is confirmed for February 27, 2026 with David Arquette returning despite being super dead.

Now he's back because death means nothing anymore.

Kevin Williamson is directing after writing the first two which is like your ex coming back after twenty years saying "I've changed!" Have you though? Have you Kevin? Or are we just doing the same thing but older and more tired?

Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, Scott Foley, and Matthew Lillard all returning. Lillard! The guy who died in the FIRST ONE. That's almost thirty years of being dead and now he's just... not? This is less a sequel and more a séance with craft services.

Jeremy Irons is playing the leader of The Watchers in Highlander because Oscar winners need mortgage payments too.

The Watchers are a secret society that watches immortals. That's it. That's their thing. They watch. Like me with my ex’s Netflix password. "What are you doing?" "Watching." "For how long?" "Forever, apparently."

The Watchers think immortals are "a threat to humanity" which... fair? I mean, if someone couldn't die I'd be concerned too. That's too much time to develop hobbies. Imagine an immortal who's really into CrossFit. Or worse, improv.

Marvel removed their July 23, 2027 movie from the schedule.

This was supposed to be the ONLY MCU movie between Avengers: Doomsday and Secret Wars. The bridge. The connective tissue. The thing that explains why we should care about whatever cosmic nonsense they're building toward.

Was it Doctor Strange 3? Black Panther 3? Shang-Chi 2? We'll never know.

The gap between Doomsday and Secret Wars is now an entire year.

Netflix released the full trailer for Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein and we finally see Jacob Elordi as the monster.

Apparently he studied his golden retriever for the role.

The trailer reveals a monster who moves like a philosophical puppy. "Be more like your dog" was apparently del Toro's actual direction. We're watching the Euphoria guy channel labrador energy while being technically dead. This is cinema? This is something.

Jerry Bruckheimer confirms Margot Robbie is "still involved" with Pirates 6 after everyone said she wasn't.

Ted Elliott wrote part of it then they brought in others to "fill in the blanks."

Margot Robbie as a pirate though. Harley Quinn with a boat. That's probably the entire script. "What if Margot... but pirates?" "Genius, here's 200 million dollars."

This franchise refuses to die.