Feuds That Don't Exist + Origin Stories Nobody Asked For

Thursday morning and I'm convinced my coffee maker is gaslighting me. Made the same coffee I always make but today it tastes like shame mixed with battery acid. The machine knows.

It knows Thursday is a garbage day wearing a "Friday Eve" t-shirt trying to be cute. We're not fooled, Thursday. You're just Monday's cousin.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Multiple sources including The Hot Mic podcast report Robert Downey Jr. and Ryan Reynolds had a confrontation on Avengers: Doomsday after "a poorly timed joke crossed a line."

Marvel had to adjust shooting schedules. Separate the millionaires! Keep them apart like my cats when one eats the other's special diet food that costs more than my groceries.

EXCEPT.

TMZ says they've never actually met in person.

How do you feud with someone you've never met? That's like me having beef with my high school crush's husband. I mean, I do, but it's one-sided and he doesn't know I exist. Which is probably for the best because I once drove by their house eating Cheetos and crying to Taylor Swift. We all process rejection differently.

So who's right? Who’s making stuff up? Are we in a multiverse where both are true? Did they fight telepathically? Through intermediaries? Via strongly worded emails?

Why am I even reporting this?

I don't know. You clicked. We're both here now.

Damien Leone told Collider he's revealing Art's backstory in Terrifier 4 but he's doing it "in a Lynchian way."

This worries me because I watched Mulholland Drive seven times and still don't know what happened. Now imagine that vibe but with a murder clown. Leone says "the mystique is the most important part" and pulling the curtain back too far would ruin it. Then immediately says he's pulling the curtain back.

Some mysteries should stay mysterious. Like why my neighbor collects ceramic dolphins. Or what Art the Clown's deal is.

Leone admits he'll "never be on the same level as David Lynch" which, yeah, one makes transcendent art that haunts your dreams and the other makes movies about a clown who murders people with garbage disposal creativity. But respect for shooting your shot, I guess.

Jake Schreier told Empire Magazine "I can't say anything about it, but we've started work on X-Men."

That's it. That's the news.

Very exciting. This is like when someone posts "Don't want to talk about it" on Facebook. Then why post, Jeremy? WHY POST?

He learned from Thunderbolts* that action scenes "eat up shooting days quite quickly" which is filmmaker speak for "we spent three weeks filming one explosion and now we're behind schedule and over budget and my marriage is failing."

Tenoch Huerta told TV Azteca his Namor role is reduced because there are "twenty something characters" in Avengers: Doomsday.

That's like inviting twenty people to dinner at a four-person table. Someone's eating standing up, someone's on the floor, and you know damn well who's getting the actual chairs.

He called it "simpler in terms of time and energy" which means, "I show up, say three lines, collect check, leave before craft services runs out of the good coffee."