Godzilla Gets a Robot Twin & Jason Momoa's Smooth Face Is Ruining My Life

FRIDAY. WE MADE IT.

Well, "made it" is generous. We survived. We're here. We're upright (mostly). Celebrated by putting on real pants for the first time since Monday. They don't fit right anymore. When did my body decide to reshape itself? Why wasn't I consulted? Found a Skittle in my pocket though, so the universe is balanced. It was green.

I hate the green ones.

The universe is cruel.

IN THIS ISSUE:

So our bearded king is returning for Dune 3, but not as Duncan Idaho. Well, technically as Duncan Idaho but also NOT Duncan Idaho because he's a ghola now? Which is basically a fancy word for "clone but make it weird."

The man literally shaved his entire face for this role. Do you understand what this means? Jason Momoa without facial hair is like... it's like seeing your dad in shorts for the first time.

Deeply unsettling. Existentially threatening.

I once shaved my eyebrows off in college (don't ask) and my roommate screamed for 3 minutes straight. That's the energy I'm bringing to this news.

He posted on Instagram saying he'd only do this "for you, Denis" and honestly? The dedication. The commitment.

Meanwhile I can't even commit to a consistent sleep schedule. His real-life son is playing Paul's son in the movie which is either adorable or the beginning of a very confusing family therapy session.

Here’s Takashi Yamazaki's Mechagodzilla from some Japanese theme park ride and I'm having the kind of emotional response usually reserved for finding $20 in old jeans.

Godzilla The Ride: Giant Monsters Ultimate Battle is happening at Seibuen Amusement Park and I've already started a GoFundMe to get myself to Japan. (Current donations: $3.47, all from me.) Yamazaki said he's "working day and night to make this the most terrifying ride in the world" which is bold considering I once got stuck on the It's A Small World ride for 2 hours and still hear that song in my nightmares.

The fact that Mechagodzilla hasn't been confirmed for the actual Godzilla Minus One sequel is giving me the same anxiety I get when I order food and they forget my sauce. Like, what's the POINT?

Allow me to bless you with the red band trailer for Witchboard. Jamie Campbell Bower is out here summoning ancient evils.

Madison Iseman's character keeps a demon board IN HER BEDROOM which is a choice. That's like keeping a loaded gun under your pillow except the gun is possessed and wants to eat your soul. I kept a Ouija board in my closet once and my mom threw it out because she said it was "inviting darkness."

Chuck Russell (who made the good Nightmare on Elm Street) is directing, and the movie drops August 15. The trailer has "trippy, blood-filled sequences" and "plenty of half-naked bodies" which sounds like my last birthday party minus the supernatural horror.

Actually, no, that was there too.

Matilda Lutz snapped a selfie of her rocking the infamous chainmail bikini.

IGN dropped a behind-the-scenes featurette and the official synopsis has her "captured, chained, forced to fight for survival" which sounds like my Monday mornings except with more swords and less Excel spreadsheets. She's fighting through "blood-soaked pits of a tyrant's empire" to take down someone named Dragan and his "ruthless bride, Dark Annisia." Dark Annisia? That's what I call my houseplant that refuses to die despite my best efforts.

After a decade of development hell (which coincidentally is how long it takes me to get ready for any social event), Red Sonja is finally happening. Hannah John Kamen was originally supposed to play her but now it's Matilda Lutz.

The movie's got an R rating for "Strong, Bloody Violence". M.J. Bassett is directing. Michael Bisping plays someone named Hawk and Martyn Ford is General Karlak, which still sounds like what I call my acid reflux.

Bloody Disgusting reports Netflix is eyeing sequels, stage musicals, live-action remakes, and probably a breakfast cereal at this point. The movie's been crushing it.

They're comparing it to Frozen which means we're about to get "Let It Go" but make it demon-slaying. The track "Golden" is already number one on Billboard and I've been listening to it on repeat while reorganizing my spice cabinet at 2am. This is normal behavior.

Netflix wants to make short films to bridge the sequels which is smart because I need constant content or I start thinking about my life choices. The directors haven't signed on yet though, which gives me the same anxiety as when someone says "we need to talk" but then doesn't specify when.

Collider casually mentioned that James Gunn responded to someone asking what he's doing now with: "Peacemaker press!! And sequel writing!!!"

Three exclamation points. THREE. That's either Superman 2 or he's had too much coffee. Possibly both. I use three exclamation points when I successfully make toast without burning it, so this could mean anything.

The first Superman movie is 83% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes which is higher than my self-esteem but lower than my anxiety levels. Math!

Screenrant unleashed the trailer for The Conjuring: Last Rites and that creepy doll is BACK. September 5, 2025. Mark your calendars. Clear your schedules. Stock up on adult diapers.

This is supposedly the final movie which is what they always say until money happens. It's like when I say "last episode" at 3am and suddenly it's dawn and I've watched two seasons.

They're bringing back "the first demon the Warrens ever fought" which is like bringing your ex to your wedding. Unnecessary. Dramatic. Probably going to end in tears.

CBR revealed eight new Pokémon-themed Campbell's soups and I'm having the kind of emotional response usually reserved for seeing your teenage diary.

You can get Pikachu, Mewtwo, Jigglypuff, or Bulbasaur on your soup can. The pasta is shaped like Pokémon. THE PASTA. IS. SHAPED. LIKE. POKÉMON. I'm 27 years old and I just added 47 cans to my Amazon cart. This is fine. Everything is fine.

They're $1.99-$2.49 per can which is nothing compared to the hospital bill I'll get after eating nothing but Pokémon soup for three weeks.

The 12-pack is already out of stock because apparently I'm not the only adult with purchasing problems and a Pikachu fixation.