Hey Nerds,
I woke up with the kind of confidence that made me think I could wear white pants. I don't even OWN white pants. But Friday Me was ready to be that person. You know, the white pants person. The one who probably eats salads without dropping anything and have matching towels. Instead I'm here in yesterday's jeans that have a mysterious stain that could be coffee or that guac from Thursday’s lunch. Both seem equally likely.
IN THIS ISSUE:
Ryan Gosling doing Star Wars now
Resident Evil gets ANOTHER reboot
The Muppets return with Seth Rogen producing
...and more
RYAN GOSLING IS IN STAR WARS NOW AND HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO CRY IN SPACE
An image dropped of Ryan Gosling in Star Wars: Starfighter coming May 28, 2027.
The guy who made us feel things about a doll is now in space. With lightsabers. Probably. Set five years after Rise of Skywalker which means five years after we all collectively agreed to never discuss Rise of Skywalker again. Yet here we are. Discussing it.
Amy Adams, Matt Smith, and Mia Goth are also there doing... something. Newcomer Flynn Gray joins the cast. Filming in the Mediterranean Sea apparently. With no starfighters in sight. Makes perfect sense if you don't think about it.
Everyone's in Star Wars now. Your barista. My ex. That guy who keeps double-parking at Trader Joe's. We're all one casting call away from wielding the Force.
RESIDENT EVIL GETS REBOOTED AGAIN BECAUSE THE LAST 47 ATTEMPTS WEREN'T QUITE RIGHT
Paul Walter Hauser and Austin Abrams star in Zach Cregger's Resident Evil releasing September 18, 2026.
Another Resident Evil movie. At this point it's not a franchise, it's a medical condition. "Doctor, I've got Resident Evil movies." "How many?" "All of them." "Dear God."
Cregger made Weapons which I haven't seen because I've been busy rewatching The Office for the 800th time pretending my life isn't falling apart. But apparently it was good? Good enough that Sony said "here, ruin this video game franchise next."
ALIEN: ROMULUS DIRECTOR IMMEDIATELY QUITS THE SEQUEL LIKE A SMART PERSON
Fede Álvarez made Alien: Romulus then said "I'm out" for the sequel because he has what we call "pattern recognition."
"Get in, do one, get out" he said. Like a bank heist but for xenomorphs. Smart guy. Knows when to leave. Unlike me at parties where I stay three hours too long eating all the chips then crying in the bathroom about my journalism degree.
MARVEL ZOMBIES SEASON 2 IS READY BUT ONLY IF WE BEG
Brad Winderbaum literally said "Please, like, people have got to subscribe to Disney+" for Marvel Zombies Season 2.
Please.
PLEASE.
This is what we've become. Held hostage by streaming metrics. Dancing for the algorithm gods. Subscribing to seventeen services to watch one show. I remember when TV was free and terrible. Now it costs $80 a month and it's still terrible but in 4K.
SPEED READING FOR SPEED READERS WHO SPEED
Anaconda remake with Jack Black and Paul Rudd December 25, 2025. Meta comedy about making the movie.
Miami Vice gets remade by the Top Gun Maverick director for August 6, 2027. The 80s are back. Again. Still. Forever. We're trapped in the 80s like my taste in music and inability to form meaningful relationships.
One-Punch Man Season 3 hits Hulu October 5 but it's a recap first episode because even anime doesn't respect our time anymore.
The Muppet Show returns with Seth Rogen producing and Sabrina Carpenter in 2026. Seth Rogen. Producing Muppets. This feels wrong. Like finding out your dentist does stand-up. Technically allowed but spiritually concerning.
Knull gets his own comic series in January because symbiotes are the new zombies are the new vampires are the new whatever we're obsessed with to avoid dealing with reality.
CALENDAR
September 24, 2025 - Marvel Zombies begs for views
October 5, 2025 - One-Punch Man recaps itself
December 25, 2025 - Anaconda ruins Christmas
January 2026 - Knull does symbiote things
2026 - Muppets return (somehow)
September 18, 2026 - Resident Evil: Attempt #48
May 28, 2027 - Gosling cries in space
August 6, 2027 - Miami Vice again
Got feelings about any of this?
Hit me up on Bluesky where I'm explaining why Ryan Gosling in Star Wars is either the best or worst thing to happen to the franchise and honestly I can't tell anymore.
-Zak
If you enjoyed my ramblings, share it with a friend using the link below. I'll give you a shoutout in the next edition, which is basically like getting a cameo in the MCU (okay, maybe more like being an extra in the background of a CW show, but still). 🚀
Did a friend forward you this email?