Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein Monster is Hot and I'm Having a Crisis

Tuesday morning and I'm already having beef with inanimate objects. My shower curtain attacked me. Not metaphorically. It literally wrapped around me like I'm Janet Leigh and it's auditioning for Psycho. Fought back with a toilet brush. The curtain won.

Now I'm damp, defeated, and late for everything. This feels like a metaphor for my entire life but I'm too tired to unpack that. Also too wet.

...and more!

Vanity Fair dropped images of Jacob Elordi as Frankenstein's monster. The monster is wearing a designer fur coat. With a hood. Looking mysterious and brooding like he's about to drop a devastating folk album about being misunderstood.

This isn't even a horror movie according to del Toro. He's exploring father-son relationships, which tracks because nothing says "daddy issues" like literally being assembled from corpse parts.

Mia Goth is drowning in blue fabric as Elizabeth, looking like Victorian sadness personified. The whole aesthetic is "what if Gothic horror but make it fashion."

September 4, 2025 on Netflix. 149 minutes of me trying to process why I'm attracted to a reanimated corpse. Again.

Primitive War exists and my brain has leaked out my ears.

Picture this: It's 1968. You're in Vietnam. Charlie's in the trees. Except Charlie is a f***ing T-Rex.

This R-rated fever dream stars Jeremy Piven and drops August 21-25 in select theaters. The trailer shows soldiers getting absolutely wrecked by prehistoric killing machines and I've never wanted anything more in my life.

You know why this movie exists? Because someone was definitely high watching Apocalypse Now and Jurassic Park at the same time and thought "these should kiss." And they were RIGHT.

ComicBook.com says First Steps pulled $218 million globally last week because we're all Pedro Pascal simps now. Marvel's response? "Let's make seventeen more."

They're already planning the sequel even though Doctor Doom wants to steal their baby in Avengers: Doomsday.

Marvel's calling Fantastic Four the "foundation" of the MCU's future which sounds a lot better than the foundation of my apartment which is probably asbestos and broken dreams but here we are.

Eyes of Wakanda exists and drops August 1st. AUGUST FIRST. That's Friday. THIS Friday.

Oh and there's a historical Iron Fist who actually wears the mask. You know, the thing Danny Rand forgot existed for two whole seasons? Cool. Cool cool cool.

SFF Gazette confirms they want to make Star Trek: Year One about Kirk's first year as captain after Strange New Worlds ends.

Plus Starfleet Academy in early 2026 with Holly Hunter yelling at space cadets.

You know what? Fine. Make all the Star Trek. Make so much Star Trek that we achieve post-scarcity just from Star Trek shows. I'll watch them all while my plants die and my life crumbles around me.

Ron Moore told Collider that Star City gets 10 episodes just like For All Mankind. But it's DIFFERENT. It has a different VIBE.

You know what else has a different vibe? My kitchen at noon versus my kitchen at 3 AM when I'm eating shredded cheese and googling "why am I like this."

The KGB hangs out in mission control which sounds like the worst workplace ever. "Comrade, did you eat my yogurt?" "Da, also you're going to gulag."

ComicBook.com got Anthony Mackie spilling tea about Twisted Metal Season 2. The wrestler who plays Sweet Tooth is "always oiled up" and leaves "Sweet Tooth nipple" marks on Mackie.

SWEET. TOOTH. NIPPLE. MARKS.

I'm going to think about this during my annual performance review. During first dates. On my deathbed.

July 31st on Peacock. Mackie's character wears polos now because character development is just business casual apparently.

Collider showed us the Pinocchio horror puppet and it looks like what happens when you order Chucky from Wish but somehow it's scarier.

Meanwhile Dan Allen told everyone his Bambi horror movie is "more faithful" than Disney because it's about losing innocence. My innocence was lost the moment I read "Sweet Tooth nipple marks" but go off, king.

These movies exist in the same universe. Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble is their Avengers. We live in the best/worst timeline.