Henry Cavill's Mortal Body + Donald Glover's Commitment Issues

I've already failed at being an adult in twelve different ways this morning. Tried to make eggs. Somehow made scrambled sadness instead. My smoke alarm went off, which is basically my kitchen timer at this point. The eggs looked at me with judgment. Food shouldn't judge you. That's what mirrors are for. And ex-girlfriends. And that one barista who remembers my name but says it with disdain.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Cavill hurt himself preparing for Highlander and now production's pushed to 2026.

Chad Stahelski was supposed to start filming next week but now we wait because Henry's... what? Pulled something? Broke something? We don't know. Amazon won't say. Probably did that thing where you sleep wrong and your neck just decides to quit. Happens to me monthly. Except I'm not delaying multi-million dollar productions, I'm just complaining to my cat who doesn't care.

Russell Crowe's in this too. And Dave Bautista. It's like they're collecting wrestlers and gladiators. Next they'll announce The Rock as a Scottish accountant or something.

Apple TV+ renewed Foundation for Season 4 one day before the Season 3 finale.

David S. Goyer's leaving after Season 3 which is showrunner speak for "I've had enough of this s**t."

New showrunners Ian Goldberg and David Kob said there's "no series quite like Foundation" which is PR speak for "this show is incomprehensible but people watch it so here we are." I've seen every episode and I still don't know what's happening. Granted, I watch it while doing laundry and scrolling my phone and possibly making dinner, but still. There's math? And empires? And someone's always dying but not really? It's like trying to explain your dreams to someone—you know it made sense at the time but now you're just describing nonsense.

Netflix announced Steel Ball Run: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure on their 10th anniversary in Japan.

It's about a paraplegic jockey and a disgraced executioner in 1890 America which is the most JoJo sentence I've ever typed. Johnny Joestar wants his legs back. Gyro Zeppeli wants amnesty for a death row child. Together they race across America because that's how you solve problems in JoJo's universe.

This is Part 7 of JoJo which means if you haven't watched Parts 1-6 you're already lost. Actually even if you have watched them you're probably lost. JoJo's is what happens when someone takes every drug simultaneously then draws manga.

Prime Video put Season 2 "on hold" which is Hollywood for "we have no idea what we're doing."

Now the new leads—Mark whatshisface from Anora and Sophie Thatcher—are just... waiting. Like when you're meeting someone and they text "on my way" but you know they're still in bed.

The showrunner signed a deal with HBO to do Big Little Lies Season 3 instead. Just abandoned ship. Left the Season 1 cliffhanger hanging. This is why we have trust issues.

September 24 Marvel releases their TV-MA zombie show where Shang-Chi returns after four years of nothing.

Now he's back as a zombie. Or fighting zombies. Does it matter? Awkwafina's there too because Marvel loves reunions. There's also something called "Blade Knight" which is Blade fused with Moon Knight because we've run out of individual ideas so we're just combining characters like a superhero smoothie.