Magic 8 Balls + Mortal Kombat Threequel

I'm back from my "vacation" which was really just me sitting in my apartment pretending the outside world didn't exist. Did I go anywhere? No. Did I eat an entire sleeve of Thin Mints while watching a documentary about competitive tickling? Mind your business.

Everyone's all "how was your long weekend?" and I'm like, it was a weekend but longer. That's literally what those words mean. I'm pretty sure my neighbor thinks I died because I didn't leave for 72 hours. The Amazon driver left packages outside my door like offerings to a shut-in deity.

Anyway, I'm back. Let's talk about genre news before I spiral further into questioning why we celebrate a guy who couldn't read a map.

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They greenlit Mortal Kombat 3 before Mortal Kombat II even hits theaters May 2026.

That's like proposing on the first date. While drunk. At Applebee's. During happy hour.

The red-band trailer got 107 million views in 24 hours and Warner Bros saw those numbers and immediately threw money at Jeremy Slater screaming "WRITE ANOTHER ONE!"

The confidence! The audacity! The complete disregard for quality control!!

I'll watch it though.

Obviously.

Shyamalan and Brad Falchuk spent YEARS developing this. Years! Of their finite human existence! Looking at a plastic ball with blue water and thinking "this needs character development."

"High-concept, character-driven supernatural drama that blends psychological intensity with cultural intrigue" they're calling it. That's a lot of words for "we ran out of ideas but Mattel has money."

What's the twist gonna be? The ball was dead the whole time? The ball is actually two balls? The ball is us? Knowing Shyamalan, the ball is probably aliens. Or plants. Or alien plants.

November 14, 2025 Glen Powell gets hunted by assassins for our entertainment.

The trailer has Electric Light Orchestra which means Edgar Wright's doing his thing where every scene syncs to music and we all pretend we're not crying about the craftsmanship.

Wonder Man in January 2026. Daredevil Season 2 in March 2026. X-Men '97 Season 2 with Apocalypse. Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 2 with Venom. VisionQuest with human AI characters.

This is too much content. TOO MUCH. My brain can't process this. I'm still trying to understand what happened in Phase 4. There was a witch? And rings? Someone went to space? I don't know anymore.

Oh, AND Jessica Jones is back which means Krysten Ritter needed money.

Gunn knows what he's directing after Man of Tomorrow but won't say. Just sitting there. Knowing things. Withholding information like my therapist when I ask if I'm making progress.

"I already know" he says. Cool. Great. Love that for you, James. Is it Batman? Green Lantern? Plastic Man? That weird detective chimp? TELL MEEE!