Marvel Says "People Don't Care" + Disney's AI Rock Nightmare

Tuesday morning and I've already had three separate existential crises and it's only 9am. The first was about whether I'm using the right toothpaste. The second was about that weird noise my car makes. The third was because I realized I've been pronouncing "acai" wrong for YEARS and everyone just let me.

Everyone.

My trust is shattered. Also, why is Tuesday? Who decided we needed this day? Show yourself, coward.

...and more!

The Wrap reports that Kevin Feige finally said what we've all been screaming into our She-Hulk body pillows at 3am: Disney+ "devalued" the MCU.

A producer straight up told them "People don't care now."

That's like your mom saying she's not mad, just disappointed, except it's the entire entertainment industry and they're talking about the thing that used to print money faster than my anxiety prints intrusive thoughts about that time I waved back at someone who wasn't waving at me.

Apparently Disney lost 700,000 subscribers in Q1 2025.

That's like... the entire population of Seattle just collectively deciding "nah." Marvel went from "must-see events" to "oh right, there's another show I guess" faster than I go from "I'll just have one slice of pizza" to "why is the box empty and why am I crying?"

They spent HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS on WandaVision. You know what I could do with hundreds of millions? Probably still end up eating string cheese at 3am but at least it would be fancy string cheese.

New set videos show Jon Bernthal's Frank Castle going full "angry dad at Little League" on some bad guys in New York.

He's literally just grabbing a bat and going to town.

This is exactly how I feel trying to open those impossible plastic packages. You start with good intentions, maybe some scissors, but eventually you're just hitting it with whatever's nearby while making guttural noises.

Fans think Judith Light is playing Ma Gnucci which, if true, means we're getting the villain from the comics who gets fed to polar bears.

Remember that? No? Just me obsessively reading Punisher MAX at 2am while eating cereal straight from the box? Cool cool cool.

The worst part? Kevin Feige says this Punisher will be "toned down" for Spider-Man: Brand New Day. That's like saying I'll be "toned down" at family dinners. We all know how that ends.

According to WSJ, Disney spent 18 MONTHS negotiating to create a digital deepfake of The Rock for live-action Moana.

Eighteen months.

I can't even commit to a streaming service for eighteen months.

They were going to use his cousin as a body double and just... slap The Rock's face on him? Like some kind of celebrity Mr. Potato Head situation? The negotiations fell apart over "ownership concerns" which is corporate speak for "we realized this was insane."

Instead, The Rock wore a muscle suit that took HOURS to put on every day. He said when the paparazzi caught him, he was like "S—, we got caught!"

You know what? Good. Some things should be real. Like The Rock's impossibly symmetrical face. And my collection of unopened action figures that I swear are an investment and not a cry for help.

Tom Holland shared set photos and fans immediately went full CSI: Marvel on them.

"IS THAT A WOLVERINE REFERENCE?"

"WHAT ABOUT FRANKLIN RICHARDS?"

"ENHANCE!"

This is what we've become. We're looking at blurry set photos like they're ancient hieroglyphics that hold the secrets to Phase 27. I once spent three hours analyzing a reflection in Spider-Man's eye only to realize it was just a lighting rig.

The movie apparently features Punisher chasing Scorpion in a Department of Damage Control convoy which sounds like the world's worst Uber Pool situation.

The Sun reports that King's Cross Station has permanently cancelled the "Back to Hogwarts" ceremony.

PERMANENTLY.

One Facebook user wrote "It's awful they took a small piece of fun away, life's too short." Another accidentally explained why they cancelled it by complaining about how crowded it was.

This is like when my local bookstore stopped doing midnight releases. Sure, it was "disruptive" and "people have work in the morning" but WHERE'S THE MAGIC? WHERE'S THE WHIMSY?

Now it's just virtual. Everything's virtual. Next they'll tell us we can only eat virtual pizza. (I'd still eat too much of it.)

Noah Hawley told ComicBook that the Xenomorph will have competition in the new series.

"They got something for everyone, those xenomorphs."

SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE? Like a murderous Build-A-Bear Workshop?

He's introducing multiple alien species to Earth which is exactly what 2025 needs. As if we didn't have enough problems. Now we get variety pack aliens. It's like those mixed nuts containers except every nut wants to burst out of your chest.

The show takes place in 2120 in a world run by five mega-corporations which honestly sounds more realistic than multiple alien species at this point.

Gunn went on Threads to basically say "Nope" to everything.

Casting for DCU Batman? "Nope." Hush as the villain in The Batman Part II? "Made up." Teen Titans details? Only four people know anything.

This man woke up and chose violence against every comic book "insider" on the internet. You know those people. They're like "My cousin's dentist's dog walker said..." No. Stop.

The show ends with Kirk's first day as captain but not all Original Series characters will appear.

Because of "timeline constraints."

TIMELINE CONSTRAINTS? In Star Trek? The franchise that's treated timelines like I treat diet plans - as vague suggestions that can be ignored when convenient?

The real question is what happens to all the Strange New Worlds characters who mysteriously vanish before Kirk shows up. Did they all just decide to transfer on the same day? "Hey guys, new captain's coming, let's all leave simultaneously for no suspicious reason."