Nick Frost Is Hagrid + Jason Momoa Is a Green Electric Monster Now

Tuesday. The day that exists solely to remind you that Monday wasn't a fluke. Tried to make toast. Somehow created charcoal. My smoke detector is basically my breakfast bell at this point. The toast looked at me with disappointment, which is weird because it's toast and shouldn't have expressions.

But here we are. Me, being judged by burnt bread.

This is my life.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Daily Mail dropped HD set photos of HBO's Harry Potter series and there's Nick Frost as Hagrid with Dominic McLaughlin as Harry and they're filming in Central London with a pub called The Blue Maid that's supposed to be The Leaky Cauldron.

Listen, I love Nick Frost. The man could read me my credit card debt and I'd still laugh. But seeing him with Hagrid's pink umbrella (which hides his wand, obviously) is like when my mom started dating again after the divorce. Like yes, technically this is fine, but also everything feels wrong and I need to lie down.

Premiering in 2027 with Francesca Gardiner writing. They're using a giant stand-in with a prosthetic head for scale shots which is somehow both practical effects genius and deeply cursed. Sometimes you don’t want to see how the sausage is made.

I saw someone on Twitter say "at least it's not James Corden" and honestly? Valid point. That's where we're at. The bar is "not James Corden."

So Ian McKellen was at some "For the Love of Fantasy" event in London probably three wines deep and just announces Frodo will be in The Hunt for Gollum.

December 17, 2027 release.

This is supposed to be about Gandalf and Aragorn hunting Gollum between The Hobbit and Fellowship but now Frodo's there? That's like throwing a surprise party for someone and then they show up to help you plan it. Wrong timeline, buddy. You're not supposed to be here yet.

They're using "extensive de-aging technology" which means we're getting uncanny valley Elijah Wood looking like a wax figure of himself from 2001.

Remember when they de-aged Robert De Niro in The Irishman and he moved like someone's grandpa pretending not to have back problems? That's our future.

Production starts mid-2025 which is confusing because it's August 2025 right now. Is this not mid? When is mid? Are they filming right now while I'm typing this? Is Ian McKellen on set spoiling more plot points to craft services?

Bloody Disgusting has images from Fallout Season 2 showing Ella Purnell and Walton Goggins looking appropriately post-apocalyptic.

December 2025 release and they're going to New Vegas which means more desert, more radiation, and more Walton Goggins being unnervingly attractive as a ghoul. I don't want to unpack that. My therapist doesn't want to unpack that. We've agreed to leave it packed.

Already renewed for Season 3 because apparently watching the world end is comfort viewing now. The show's set 200 years after nuclear war and everyone's fighting over bottle caps which honestly makes more sense than cryptocurrency ever did.

GameFragger.com leaked photos of Cody Rhodes with Guile's flat-top haircut for the Street Fighter movie.

You know why this is happening?

Because someone at a Hollywood meeting said "wrestlers are basically live-action video game characters already" and everyone applauded instead of calling security. Now we've got Cody Rhodes as Guile and Roman Reigns as Akuma and I'm having flashbacks to my nephew's school play where they cast the tallest kid as the beanstalk.

Jason Momoa is playing Blanka. BLANKA. The green electric monster. This man went from King of Atlantis to rolling around on the floor going "RAAAWR" in green paint. That's like going from Team Owner to the guy who dresses as the mascot at minor league baseball games. Except the mascot probably has better health insurance. David Dastmalchian as M. Bison makes sense though because that man looks like he collects Victorian dolls and whispers secrets to them.

This is Hollywood's third attempt at Street Fighter after failing in 1994 and 2009. Einstein's definition of insanity but with bigger budgets.

Regal Cinemas announced an Annabelle doll popcorn bucket for The Conjuring: Last Rites.

It's the doll HOLDING a bucket. So she can watch you eat.

Available this Wednesday for the movie that comes out September 5, 2025. Some marketing guy really said "what if Annabelle could judge people drowning their popcorn in butter" and got promoted. Now I get to stress-eat overpriced kernels while a possessed doll maintains eye contact like when my gym crush saw me eating an entire rotisserie chicken in my car outside the Planet Fitness and we just... looked at each other through the windshield until she went inside.

This is how I'm gonna eat my feelings on opening night. Alone. In the back row. While Annabelle's dead eyes watch me pretend the family-size bucket is "for sharing." With who, Annabelle? WITH WHO?

Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson's last ride as the Warrens, based on the Smurl Family Haunting which is a real thing that happened to real people who probably didn't expect their trauma to become a judgment vessel for my eating habits.

I'm still gonna buy it though.

Netflix announced del Toro's Frankenstein hits select theaters October 17, 2025 before streaming November 7.

Oscar Isaac as Dr. Frankenstein. Jacob Elordi as the Monster. Mia Goth being Mia Goth. This cast is what happens when you let del Toro have Netflix money and no supervision. Christoph Waltz plays an arms dealer because of course he does. That man hasn't played a normal person since... has he ever?

"Only Monsters Play God" is the tagline which is a bit on the nose but whatever, del Toro's earned the right to be as literal as he wants. Guy’s been trying to make this movie since before Jacob Elordi was born.

Getting the Glass Onion treatment with 600 theaters which means good luck finding one unless you live in LA or NYC. The rest of us will wait three weeks like peasants.

Nexus Point News says Kumail Nanjiani hugged James Gunn at the Peacemaker premiere and now everyone thinks he's playing Booster Gold.

A hug. That's the evidence. A HUG.

But also he probably is because @ApocHorseman on Twitter keeps hinting and that person's usually right about these things. Nanjiani is 47 playing a character who's traditionally younger but DC's already cast Kyle Chandler (59) as Hal Jordan so age is just a number and that number is "who cares anymore."

Booster Gold uses future tech to pretend he's a superhero which is basically what influencers do with ring lights and filters. Danny McBride was supposed to showrun but left, now it's David Jenkins from Our Flag Means Death which is a tonal shift like going from death metal to sea shanties.

Gunn keeps dodging questions about it saying scripts aren't ready which is code for "yes but I can't say yes yet."

I'm tired of speculation based on hugs. What's next, handshake analysis? "Ryan Gosling nodded at Kevin Feige, NOVA CONFIRMED."

Actually that would probably be accurate.

F**k.