Pedro Pascal Already Ditched Avengers While James Gunn Tells Everyone to Get Off Batman Director's Nuts

Walked into my kitchen this morning and found a half-eaten sandwich I apparently made at 3am. Don't remember making it. Don't remember eating half of it. Found the other half in my bathroom.

I'm choosing not to investigate further. Some mysteries are better left unsolved. Like why I thought mayo and peanut butter was a good combination. Weekend-me is a different person and I don't trust him.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Deadline reports Pedro Pascal has wrapped filming on Avengers: Doomsday as Reed Richards, which started production in April.

He's done.

Already.

The movie that's supposed to save the MCU and he filmed his part in the time it takes me to decide what to order at Chipotle. That's either incredibly efficient or incredibly ominous and based on Marvel's recent track record I'm betting on ominous.

Remember when everyone thought Reed Richards would lead the Avengers? Director Matt Shakman had to walk that back, saying Reed will be "integral but not the centerpiece" which is Hollywood for "he dies in act one but we'll CGI his corpse into the background of fight scenes."

Here's the part that broke my brain: Marvel is "fleshing out the script as production continues."

They're literally writing the movie while filming it. That's like performing surgery while reading the instruction manual. That's like building a plane while flying it. That's like... actually that's exactly what they did with Rise of Skywalker and we all know how that turned out.

The film has the entire MCU cast PLUS X-Men from Fox's universe which means Pascal probably filmed his scenes, looked at the chaos, and moonwalked out of there faster than you can say "multiversal incursion."

ComicBookMovie.com reports James Gunn debunked Robin rumors for The Batman Part II, calling them "nonsense."

"Guys, please stop believing this nonsense."

That's how it started. Professional. Measured. CEO-like.

Then Jeff Sneider (who originally reported Robin was in the script) clapped back and Gunn lost his entire mind. By the end he was literally telling people to "get off Matt's nuts" which is a direct quote from the co-CEO of DC Studios about the director-of-Batman's testicles.

What a time to be alive.

Gunn says only six people have read the script. Six. That's fewer people than have seen my drunk PowerPoint presentation about why hot dogs are sandwiches (they're not, I was wrong, please stop bringing it up).

The best part? Gunn defending the five-year gap between Batman movies by listing every sequel that took forever: "7 years between Alien and Aliens! 36 years between Top Guns!"

Sure James, but those movies weren't part of a cinematic universe where missing one film means you don't understand why Batman is suddenly fighting a sentient calendar or whatever villain they're using now.

October 1, 2027 release date.

Mark your calendars so in five years you can remember absolutely nothing about the first movie except that Robert Pattinson looked constipated for three hours.

Collider.com reports the Harry Potter series will run for 10 years on HBO Max.

Ten years.

There are seven books.

I failed math in high school (and middle school, and elementary school if we're being honest) but even I know seven doesn't equal ten. What are they doing for the extra three years? Harry Potter: The Mortgage Years? Harry Potter and the Midlife Crisis?

They're filming in London for 10 months with Dominic McLaughlin as Harry Potter, who I've never heard of but I'm sure is lovely. John Lithgow is Dumbledore which is either brilliant or insane and I genuinely can't tell which.

Season 1 is eight episodes.

Eight episodes for one book.

The first book is like 200 pages. I've read longer Denny's menus. They're stretching this harder than my excuses for calling in sick to work.

Also cast: Arabella Stanton as Hermione, Alastair Stout as Ron, Paapa Essiedu as Snape, and Janet McTeer as McGonagall.

2027 premiere date which means by the time this ends in 2037 we'll all be watching it through neural implants while the actual Daniel Radcliffe plays elderly Harry in the reboot.

The Wrap reports Paramount has made Star Trek films an "immediate priority" following the Skydance merger.

Immediate priority.

The last movie was in 2016.

It's been NINE YEARS. That's not immediate, that's geological. Civilizations have risen and fallen in the time since Star Trek Beyond. I've had three different therapists. Four different hairstyles. Five existential crises.

Zachary Quinto is "hopeful." Zoe Saldana says they need "urgency." Chris Pine is probably somewhere not caring because he's Chris Pine and has better things to do like being impossibly handsome while buying groceries.

They might continue with the existing cast for a "legacy sequel" OR completely reboot with younger unknown actors to save money.

Those are two completely different things.

That's like saying "we're either having pizza for dinner or performing open heart surgery." Both involve cutting into something but the similarities end there.

Steve Yockey wrote a Star Trek 4 script in 2024. That's last year. It's probably already outdated. By the time this movie comes out we'll have discovered actual aliens and Star Trek will feel quaint.

ComicBook.com reports The Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum has a completed script that David Zaslav calls "great." Andy Serkis is directing AND playing Gollum because apparently no one else is allowed to crawl around making disturbing noises for money.

December 2027 release date.

That's almost three years away. My precious... time. Wasted. Waiting.

It's an "interquel" set during Fellowship when Gandalf and Aragorn are hunting Gollum. You know, that super exciting part of the story that Tolkien definitely didn't skip over for a reason. Next they'll make a movie about Tom Bombadil's grocery shopping. Wait. Actually I'd watch that.

They want Viggo Mortensen and Ian McKellen back.

Viggo is 66. Ian is 85. By 2027 they'll be playing Aragorn and Gandalf the Extremely Grey. The fight scenes will be 90% stunt doubles and 10% hoping nobody notices.

Production starts in New Zealand early next year.

Peter Jackson gave you three perfect movies. Then three bloated Hobbit films. Now this. It's like squeezing a stone for water except the stone is Gollum and the water is money.

Variety reports Marvel's Avengers: Mightiest Friends is coming to Disney Jr. in 2027.

Preschool Avengers.

Kid versions of Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, Black Panther, Black Widow, and Thor fighting classic villains. You know what preschoolers love? Complex discussions about war crimes and daddy issues. Can't wait for the episode where tiny Captain America learns about sharing while processing his trauma from being frozen for 70 years.

They're also making TWO Spidey and Iron Man specials. The first premieres October 16, 2025, featuring Ultron and Green Goblin.

Ultron. In a preschool show.

The genocidal AI who wanted to drop a city on Earth is now teaching kids about friendship or whatever. "Hey kids, today Ultron learned that mass extinction is wrong! Yaaaay!"

The second special is Halloween-themed in fall 2026 because apparently we need to space out our childhood trauma appropriately.

Disney Jr. and Marvel Studios are producing with Atomic Cartoons which means somewhere Kevin Feige is weeping into his baseball cap wondering how it came to this. From Endgame to "Baby Hulk Shares His Toys."