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IN THIS ISSUE:
Sam Raimi remaking a 1978 puppet horror movie
K-pop horror is happening
Someone made a movie where a fetus craves blood (I wish I was kidding)
...and more
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SAM RAIMI'S REMAKING A PUPPET HORROR MOVIE FROM 1978
Sam Raimi and Roy Lee are producing a remake of Magic for Lionsgate. The one where Anthony Hopkins talks to an evil dummy named Fats.
The original got 4 out of 4 stars from Gene Siskel in 1978. Now in 2025 we're remaking it because... I don't know. Someone at Lionsgate found it on a streaming service at 3am and thought "this needs updating". The writers did Freddy vs. Jason which tells you everything.
No director yet. Probably because they're all busy remaking other things from the 70s. Next week someone will announce they're rebooting test patterns.
K-POP HORROR WHERE GIRLS MURDER EACH OTHER FOR DEBUT SPOTS
Perfect Girl stars actual K-pop star Jeon Somi in her acting debut. It's described as "Scream meets Black Swan" which is just "people die while performing" with extra steps.
This is basically every K-pop survival show but honest about it. Production starts October 27 in Asia with six original tracks because even murder movies need a soundtrack now.
A MOVIE ABOUT A BLOOD-CRAVING FETUS EXISTS AND I NEED TO LIE DOWN
The Fetus releases September 9. Bill Moseley and Lauren LaVera star in this thing where a pregnant woman's baby craves blood and her estranged father "feeds the fetus victims."
Director Joe Lam wanted to "push boundaries" and "explore themes beyond one-dimensional characters being killed." So he made a movie about feeding people to an unborn vampire. That's the boundary pushing.
This is releasing on "digital and broadcast platforms" which means Tubi. Everything ends up on Tubi. It's where movies go to die. Or in this case, where fetuses go to eat people. I'm so tired.
YOUTUBE COMEDIAN MAKES HORROR MOVIE FOR $800, GETS BLUMHOUSE DEAL
Curry Barker made Milk & Serial for $800 and put it on YouTube. Got 2 million views. Now he's directing Anything But Ghosts with actual producers.
Eight hundred dollars. That's less than my car payment. Less than what I spent on coffee last month. This 25-year-old made a movie for the price of a mediocre laptop and now Jason Blum's calling him. Meanwhile I can't even finish a grocery list.
SHELL: LOBSTER DNA HORROR STARRING ELISABETH MOSS
Shell has Elisabeth Moss getting combined with lobster DNA to stay young. October 3 release.
Kate Hudson runs a beauty company that makes people into crustaceans. This is the plot. Someone wrote this down, got funding, hired actors. The near future apparently involves voluntary lobsterification for youth.
Max Minghella directed this after Teen Spirit which nobody saw. Now he's making Moss into seafood. Is this career progression? Regression? Who's keeping track anymore.
QUICK HITS FOR YOUR DETERIORATING SYNAPSES
Supergirl - Crew jacket leaked the logo. Dropped "Woman of Tomorrow" subtitle. Just Supergirl now. Like Madonna. Or Cher. But with more punching.
Haunted Heist - Cast photo released. That's the news. A photo. Of people in a room. Journalism.
Lanterns - Garret Dillahunt might be Black Hand. Posted something on Twitter. Or didn't. Who knows. Everything's speculation based on emoji analysis now.
Very Young Frankenstein - Cary Elwes playing the President in FX's pilot. Mel Brooks involved. This is either genius or a disaster. No middle ground with Brooks remakes.
CALENDAR
September 9, 2025 - The Fetus traumatizes Tubi
October 3, 2025 - Shell turns people into lobsters
October 27, 2025 - K-pop horror starts filming
Eventually - Magic remake disappoints everyone
The heat death of the universe - Original ideas return
Got feelings about any of this?
Hit me up on Bluesky where I'm contemplating how a blood-craving fetus got greenlit while good scripts die in development hell.
-Zak
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