Simpsons Sequel Awakens + Catwoman Confirmed

I woke up today with my neck at an angle that suggests I either slept wrong or was possessed by a yoga instructor having a bad day. I can't turn left. I tried to stretch it out, made it worse. Now I'm stuck looking thoughtfully to the right like I'm posing for a LinkedIn photo about "thought leadership."

I have no thoughts.

I'm not leading anything.

Send help.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Twenty years after the first movie comes The Simpsons Movie 2 and the tagline is "Homer's coming back for seconds."

Seconds. Like leftovers. Which is what this probably is - leftover jokes from 2007 microwaved and served with a side of nostalgia.

They kicked a Marvel movie off the schedule for this. Some superhero somewhere lost their slot so Homer could eat donuts cinematically. Again.

The first movie made $536 million which in 2007 money is like... I don't know, math is hard. A lot. It was a lot. Enough that someone at Disney looked at a spreadsheet and said "do it again."

D'oh is right.

James Gunn said "Oh for sure" when asked about Catwoman in the DCU.

That's the announcement. That's what passes for news now. Confirming a character that's existed since 1940 will continue existing.

Fans want Ana de Armas, Eiza González, or Adelaide Kane because the internet has three settings: horny, angry, or both. Usually both. "She should be sexy but also kick ass but also vulnerable but also strong but also—" Make up your minds.

These same fans are excited about "chemistry with the new Batman". We don't even HAVE a new Batman yet. We're shipping chemistry between nobody and theoretical somebody.

Mads Mikkelsen will star in "Ami" where he's an astronaut who crashes and only has Diane Kruger's AI voice for company.

"Deeply personal space odyssey" the director calls it. The first-time filmmaker wants to "push boundaries." You know what else pushes boundaries? My neighbor's music at 3am.

Boundary pushing doesn't make it art. Makes it annoying.

October 1, 2027 for The Batman Part II where it'll be "deeper, scarier" with "bigger stakes."

Deeper than what? The first one was already three hours of Batman journaling in the rain. How much deeper can we go? "Today we're going to talk about your parents again, Bruce." "They're DEAD." "Yes, but how does that make you FEEL?"

Colin Farrell has a "much smaller role" after his own HBO series. This is the Hollywood equivalent of "we'll still be friends" after a breakup. You show up to one party, stand in the corner, everyone's uncomfortable, you leave early. That's Penguin in Batman 2.

Bryce Dallas Howard directed two episodes and called Season 2 "romantic."

Romantic. Star Wars. ROMANTIC STAR WARS.

There’s speculation about Sabine and Shin Hati having romance. Because two women looked at each other once and the internet decided they're married. This is how shipping works. Eye contact equals soulmates. I made eye contact with a barista yesterday. We're apparently engaged now. I should tell my mom.