Voice Actors Getting Valentine's Day Massacred + Star Trek Discovers Money

Tuesday and I've already been personally victimized by a vending machine that took my money and gave me nothing in return. The Snickers bar is RIGHT THERE, mocking me. This is a metaphor for something but I'm too caffeine-deprived to figure out what. Tried shaking the machine. Security was called. Not my proudest moment.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Greg Cipes voiced Beast Boy for 20 years then got fired on Valentine's Day after revealing his Parkinson's diagnosis. WB says no, actually, it was "performance issues" and they offered him a different role.

The man has Parkinson's. That affects performance. But they swear it's unrelated.

Twenty years voicing the same character and suddenly there's issues right after a medical diagnosis? They offered him a "different role" which probably means background character #3 or "consultant" which is Hollywood for "we legally can't fire you for being sick but..."

My uncle got "promoted to consultant" once. He consulted from home. For two weeks. Then consulted himself into unemployment. Same vibe here.

After 59 years, Star Trek announced its first LEGO collaboration on Star Trek Day with a video of a tiny plastic Picard.

Star Trek has been around since before we landed on the moon and they're just NOW figuring out they can sell plastic bricks to nerds?

Someone at Paramount was probably cleaning out a desk drawer, found a LEGO brick, looked at it, looked at their Star Trek poster, and went "wait a minute..." That person got promoted.

Netflix dropped the trailer for "Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery" which premieres at TIFF then theaters November 26 then Netflix December 12 because release strategies are just suggestions now.

This is Benoit Blanc's "most dangerous case yet" which is what they always say. Every case is the most dangerous. Like how every smartphone is revolutionary. My phone can't even hold a charge for six hours but sure, revolutionary.

Craig's accent is still doing whatever that accent does. Southern? French? Southern French? It's like when I tried to do impressions at a party and accidentally created a new dialect that offended everyone equally. That's talent. Or something.

Christian Divine, who co-wrote the original games, says "The only people not involved are the creators" in Amazon's adaptation.

This is like throwing a birthday party for someone and not inviting them. Then filming it. Then putting it on Prime Video. Amazon MGM Studios really said "we like your thing but not you" which is basically my dating life but with more lawyers.

Bryan Fuller's directing his first movie with Mads Mikkelsen about a hitman helping a girl kill the monster under her bed.

That's the plot. December 5 in theaters.

I had a monster under my bed once. Turned out it was just my cat. But for three weeks I was convinced it was a demon. Slept on the couch. The cat enjoyed having the whole bed.