Zombie Thor Said No + Scream Killers Manage A Pizza Place Now

Thursday has arrived like that friend who insists on telling you about their dream in excruciating detail. Nobody cares about your dream, Thursday. We're all just trying to survive until Friday.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Marvel Zombies hits Disney+ September 24 and Chris Hemsworth couldn't even be bothered to show up for zombie Thor.

The guy voiced Thor in What If...? but drew the line at undead Thor. That's the boundary. Regular cartoon Thor? Sure. Zombie cartoon Thor? “Nah, I'm good.”

Bryan Andrews promises we'll be "surprised constantly" which is producer speak for "we killed everyone you love in increasingly disturbing ways."

Kerry Condon's playing F.R.I.D.A.Y. which means even the AI assistants are getting eaten. Nobody's safe.

Disney's launching a digital comics platform with 35,000 titles because apparently they looked at their bank account and thought "this could be bigger."

"Expansion of Marvel Unlimited" they're calling it. $10 a month to read comics on your phone while pretending you're doing something productive on your commute. One time I told my boss I was "researching narrative structures" when I was actually reading Spider-Man during a Zoom call. Camera off, obviously.

Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar comics all in one place.

Insidious 6 releases August 21, 2026 and they're still making money somehow.

Five movies. $740 million worldwide. From jump scares and that violin noise. You know the noise. SCREEEEE. That one. That's three quarters of a billion dollars from going SCREEEE at people in the dark.

Filming in Australia which makes sense because everything there is already trying to kill you. Might as well add ghosts. Maisie Richardson-Sellers and Sam Spruell joined the cast to presumably walk slowly down hallways holding candles while something breathes heavily behind them.

Lin Shaye's back because she's contractually obligated to die in every one of these movies. It's like Kenny from South Park but with more séances and less comedy. Although at this point the comedy is that we keep watching.

Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich are together again for Five Nights at Freddy's 2 on December 5, 2025.

The guys who stabbed each other in 1996 are now managing a haunted pizza restaurant.

Lillard's kids made him take the first role. Because that's what happens when you have kids. They make you do things. Terrible things. Like be in Five Nights at Freddy's.

I worked at a pizza place once. Got fired for eating too much garlic bread. Not stealing it. Eating it. During my shift. That I paid for. They said it was "unprofessional." I said it was "delicious." We agreed to disagree. By which I mean they fired me.